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Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
