i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
