I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
why do cheetos always look like penises
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
