I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
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