I look better un-naked...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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