Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
