A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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