o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
