You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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