Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
