A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
