I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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