First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
