its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
