he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
