i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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