i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
please don't ironically join a cult
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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