A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
