I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
