I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
