Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
