Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
