I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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