that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
