Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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