I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
