She said her name was "party"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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