You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
