i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I will pee on everything he values.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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