I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
