note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
True college students do jello shots in the library
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
