i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
