hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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