you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
