no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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