she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
