How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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