I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
