Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
