break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
