I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
