I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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