Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
