i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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