Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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