Swine flu. Run for my life!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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