There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
