farters have to be the big spoon...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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