the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
