I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
