New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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