two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
