I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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