He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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