Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I forget how to act sober
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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