they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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