Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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