So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
