and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You took a bar mat shot.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
