apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize