So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
