booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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