Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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