five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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