Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
