So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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