The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
dude. I can hear the air.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
