I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm passing your future prison.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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