Hey man sorry I got all grabby
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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