I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
