I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
