I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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