I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
