things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize