my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
