Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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