Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
