woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
